more unsexiness
Just a quick little Oscar update: the trend continues. Not sexy!
Letters from Iwo Jima: Clint Eastwood normally does a brilliant job directing, and his latest is no exception. But somehow, he managed to create an entire movie with no women in it. Well, they show up as offscreen recipients of letters. And in one or two brief flashback scenes. And that’s it. So much for hetero or lesbo action. But even though every single character is a soldier, being that the film is set in Japan during wartime, and even though they’re in tight quarters most of the time, there was zero homoeroticism either. Clint, baby, you missed the boat!
Blood Diamond. We are treated to another dose of Leonardo DiCaprio, this time as a white South African who’s a soldier turned mercenary smuggler. We are also treated to the presence of the truly lovely Jennifer Connelly, whom the Substitute Date likes to refer to as "man-hands" because, well, her hands are pretty manly. It’s true. (Substitute Date does not say this to be flattering, but I think it’s hot. Gimme a woman with a chunky thumb joint any day.)
Anyway, there’s a bizarre romance between them, which I personally had a really hard time believing, and they didn’t help matters by not even kissing. Like not even once. Like not even the hint that such a thing might happen. They were more like accountants discussing a possible future merger than like two people desperate for connection in a war-torn country while they play at the high-stakes game of diamond smuggling and investigative journalism, respectively. For all that the story is highly dramatic and in many ways heart-wrenching, there is so little chemistry between these two that I was hard pressed to understand why they even bothered to make romance part of the plot.
As far as I’m concerned, they should have spent a lot more time with Djimon Hounsou (nominated for best supporting actor), who is by far the most riveting character of the whole film. Oh, and he gets nekkid. They use artfully placed shadows and stuff to attempt modesty, but good lord, they couldn’t hide that the man is buff.
And that’s all for now. At the moment I’m beginning to think the sexiest thing about the Oscars will be Ellen DeGeneres, who is hosting the ceremony next Sunday night. And while I love Ellen and all, and while it’s great that they’re putting a dyke up on the podium, I really don’t think she’s all that particularly hot, so this is a sad state of affairs.
